31st August, 2014
A/N: Hi everyone! In addition to university, Empyrean and misc., I’ve been writing a lot on the side. So much, in fact, that I have decided to post some little nibbles of my personal musings from time to time. I hope you enjoy this short and do stay tuned for the next one!
Departures are, by all effects and in the simplest terms, the clearing of space. The surgical construction of human-sized excavations, whether in the literal or the metaphorical sense, into the lives of those who were left behind. Boxes are removed, belongings catalogued, appraised then appropriated. An entire person’s life is measured by how much can be fitted inside the trunk of a car.
There is pain. There is relief. There is sometimes that sheer adrenaline of sudden freedom that makes you feel guilty-drunk on possibilities. I want you to embrace it, immerse yourself in it until it wears off. I, in turn will embrace empty space and find contentment there. Maybe one day, it would be less poignant and become a scar. The kind that has lived on your skin for so long, it becomes hard to imagine yourself without it.
All I know is that when fog breathes on my window in the early morning, I remember what it was like to be beside you. That inexplicable danger and security that remembrance brings becomes a golf ball-sized melancholy that crawls up my throat from a hollow in my chest. That intrusive sound of you clicking a mouse in the dark at midnight, keeps me awake until it lulls me to sleep.
It can get confusing when you’re in transit, but I know that wherever you are, I can never stop hoping that you are truly happy. So smile. Laugh. Never be empty. Remember, you are loved by me. No matter what other midnights you find yourself in, clicking away with your mouse in the dark, sleep comes with that sublime golf-ball of emotion. Like medicine down my throat, I am aware how much I love you. Maybe one day long away from now, the human-sized cavity will start to close, and we at last, can start anew.
An ode to every goodbye we’ve ever said, most notably to a man who was larger than life, the Captain himself, Robin Williams. He contributed a powerful verse in the play that is our lives, one that will be immortalised in years to come. Here’s to all of us who have parted ways yet keep a piece of the other in our hearts.
31st August, 2014